youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
