i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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