we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
