wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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