Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
