Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
