You don't have asthma, your pregnant
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
