Midget sex pt 2 tonight
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
