I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
