even my farts smell like vagina
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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