Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
