i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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