Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
