That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
