I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
