I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
