Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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