Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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