I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
