we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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