I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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