I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
