you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
