I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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