umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
