Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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