She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
