be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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