got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
