The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
