You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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