It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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