there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
