I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
