She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
