They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
