I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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