I want to have your abortion
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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