Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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