She said her name was "party"
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
