Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
