i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
