I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
