New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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