i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
