Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
