Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
