I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
