I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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