That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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